Tranquilizer, Radar, and Taser Guns

Yes. You read the title correctly. Please...read on :)


Disclaimer:
I am not a "man hater." "Man eater?" Sometimes,but never "man hater." In fact, I love men. I love that they make you feel safe. The way they can make everything better when you've had a bad day. I absolutely love the fact that they can check the oil, take out the trash, and change out lightbulbs that I  couldn't even reach if I wanted to. But today, boys and girls, we are NOT talking about how wonderful they are :)

 Back to the Topic at Hand....

A radar gun. I want one. Where might I purchase one? I mean, boys are obviously given them as gifts at the age of 13 to use against us women, so I know they sell them somewhere. I would also like a taser gun and a tranquilizer gun. For these are the only means of defense that women have against the male population.


Just when we are happy and content with our lives. When we say that we "Really aren't looking for anything right now." When we, most likely, have FINALLY moved on and are sailing RIGHT PAST  Mr. Hunky Dunky, he shoots us with his radar gun, realizes we are in fact happy, and decides to swoop down like a she-eating terradactile and "realizes he made a mistake," and "misses you so much." Please introduce me to ONE SINGLE WOMAN that this has not happened to and I will take this blog off aggiegrace.blogspot.com forever, and this topic will never be broached again. No one? Just raise your hands please? No? EXACTLY.



Now, this would all be for not if these guys actually planned on FOLLOWING THROUGH with their apologies. BUT, that is NEVER their intention. EVER. As my best friend Say Say so eloquently put it, they have their "big boy pants" around their ankles; they need to just pull them allll the way up! Fact of the matter is ladies, we have not changed since the relationship ended. We are ultimately the same amazing women we were, and we don't need them to tell us, "You're the kind of girl I want to marry," or "You're just so sweet and made me feel so comfortable around you." We know that already :) Quite frankly, we ARE amazing women, and we don't need THEM to tell us that. The guy that sees that, and realizes he can't suck air without you? HE is the one worth keeping. HE is deserving of your affections.


*If the guy actually does follow through and this is his first offense; let him live ;) *


Now ladies, I think we should write our senators, state representatives, lawyers, generals, and the Secretary of Defense and DEMAND the weapons previously listed as a means to protect/defend ourselves. The tranq gun being used for wounding, and the taser gun being used for evil satisfaction if the guy reallyyyyy broke your heart or was just a huge jerk.